Clever not Beautiful

My new favorite quote.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 13:51:56 -0400

"If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France.

After weeks of deathers, birthers, teabaggers, and other utter morons, I feel that it's important to keep in mind that something is not less stupid if a multitude of people believe it.

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In which I talk about a few things.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 12:52:30 -0400

Nothing special really

I've become convinced that my bathroom lighting is conspiring to make me panic. I'm wearing purple eyeshadow and liner today, and while I was putting it on I had this feeling that I'd done something terrible wrong and there was no fixing it.

Never mind my hair, it's doing things. Or the brows, they're in dire need of...something. But the make-up itself doesn't look even as half as bad as the mirror in the bathroom told me it would. Maybe I should start putting my make-up on on the patio, natural light at all?

Oh well. I had the hiccups today. Not particularly newsworthy, no, but I hate getting the hiccups! I don't get frustrated, or exasperated, or anything I like that. I get downright pissed! My roommate finds it absolutely hilarious.

Lastly I've had a flutter of inspiration in the past few days. I rebooted an old story that I was working on a while ago, telling it from first person this time. So that's neat.

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In which I sell my soul to the cosmetic industry.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:35:42 -0400

I found an entry I had made a while back, in response to a QoTD if I'm not mistaken, where I railed against cosmetics. Not women who wear cosmetics, but cosmetics in general.

"Nobody," I emphatically said, "needs to wear make-up!"

I had to laugh a little and wonder exactly who wrote that entry, and what they would think of me now that I've taken to wearing it daily. Granted I still don't think that anyone needs make-up, but it sure doesn't hurt to wear it if you want to.

When I got my contacts I was horrified at how dark my eye sockets were compared to the rest of my face. My skin is sort of a pale olive, but around my eyes it's dark brown. Otherwise my skin is in pretty good condition, on my face at least, and I never really found wearing cosmetics a necessity while I was covering up the dark circles with glasses. Without them, it quickly became apparent that now that I see better, I ought to look better as well!

So now I rarely leave the house without a bit of make-up. I use Erase Paste around my eyes to cover up those unsightly circles, a light dusting of Hello Flawless! powder, and whatever eye-shadow I'm in the mood for that day.

I'm pretty tame with my shadows, using lots of browns, tans and golds mostly, but I'm wondering if it would be so bad to branch out a little color-wise. I saw a couple women at Ulta, one wearing dark green and one wearing bright blue and neither of them looked bad or overdone. Obviously it's not as natural as a brown or a tan, but I tend to favor sparkley shades and those aren't particularly "natural" either.

It's just all a part of growing up I guess. Of course it helps that "natural" is in style right now, with all the mineral powders being so popular. You rarely see someone wearing thick liquid conceler with drawn-in lips and thick black eyeliner, so that's a big step-up from where things were when my dislike of cosmetics began. That look always seemed to me like putting on a whole new face, rather than accentuating the positive and concealing the negative.

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Nice to know that I'm as reliable as usual.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:22:11 -0400

So, as usual, a boatload of things has happened, all of which I have neglected to write about. So it's good to know that all is well and naught has changed in Mina (doesn't) Blog land.

Dig my bullet point style.

Firstly, the tests I had at Quikhealth have shown that while I have inflammation of some sort, I do not have Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis. The bad news is that there are no more tests that they can do to check for further things. So if the Public Option for health care is shot down in the senate, the great mystery of my life may be "What is swollen and why?"

Secondly. My parents smoke pot. They have always smoked pot. They have smoked since before I was born, in fact my mom used to smoke with her parents when she was about 13. Not exactly admirable, but I'm of the firm belief that marijuana is not as harmful as alcohol and should be legal. (Note: I do not smoke and never have. No desire to try.) Well, 30+ years of breaking the law has finally caught up with my mom, and my step-dad is going to jail for extremely trumped up possession charges. The police have done a lot of lying about this case, and my mom has taken an extreme defeatest attitude about it. She is under the impression that a.) all the courts, judges, lawyers and police are corrupt. b.) The courts "don't follow the constitution" (?!?) and c.) that fighting the charges would cost more money than they have, and my stepfather would still end up in jail for 10 years.

Since he has yet to be sentenced, I'm not sure where she's finding this 10 years figure, but either way, my mom and stepdad are convinced that it would be pointless to fight the charges. I wholeheartedly disgree with this, however my mother is incredibly stubborn. I love my mother, however there is no end to the frustration I feel about this. She called me yesterday and said "We're thinking it just might be better if we both kill ourselves." As if seeing a lawyer, fighting the charges, and maybe even living a year or two with my stepdad in jail is such a horrible fate that they'd be better off dead. I'm sure it doesn't help things that my mom has been "adjusting" her medications. She insists the talk of suicide is just a joke, but that's not exactly the type of joke I want to hear from somebody with a mental illness. But I digress.

Before this whole debacle, I had an episode of accommodative spasms. This was particularly frightening because I lost the ability to read my computer screen. I even had to have my Kindle on the largest font it has available, meaning I had about 8 words per page. So, convinced that I was going blind, I rushed to Lenscrafters on Sunday (the episode started on a Saturday). They did a thorough exam, dialated my eyes, and promptly let me know that there was "nothing wrong with my eyes." Whoop-de-doo. Why can't I see?" To make matters worse, I also had a very rough migraine that day as well, so being told that nothing was wrong when I couldn't see did not make me a happy camper.

On the advice of Rachel, I asked Jer to call his ex-roommate Stuart to talk about my eyes. Stuart is an optologist and visual therapist, so he was the best person to ask. That wednesday, after not reading for pleasure and having the font on everything that I HAD to read at about 40, I went to see him. I basically had two problems, according to Stuart.

I had eyestrain and needed reading glasses.
My perscription was outdated.

So, instead of getting me a new perscription, he suggested that I start wearing contacts. I promptly told him he was nuts, and asked for a perscription for glasses. I have never had an easy time having things near my eyes. Eyeliner? No way, mascara? No way. Eyedrops? BIG no way.

However, he was convinced, and after a week of resting my eyes to see if it made a difference, he forcible put contacts into my eyes. My roommate says that it was very uncomfortable to watch, however once they were in it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Plus my vision was markedly better. After an adjustment in perscription, I began wearing contacts full time.

Not only is my vision now 20/20, I am not getting headaches nearly as frequently. I used to get a headache almost every day, they were so bad in Michigan that I'd gotten an MRI and some sinus X-rays to see what was wrong. It was all eyestrain, apparently.

The downside of contacts means that the dark circles around my eyes are now visible. With glasses it sort of looked like I had tinted lenses, rather than discolored skin. It's not that anything is wrong with me, it's just my coloring. My mom has these same circles. So I've had to start wearing make-up to cover this up. Not that I think anyone is going to notice, but because it really bothers me. I've worn glasses since 3rd grade, and never really learned how to put on make-up properly. My mom never wore it, and there were never any adult females to sort of bring me into that world. So it's all new to me. Luckily I discovered this awesome stuff called Erase Paste by Benefit cosmetics which does wonders with dark circles by covering them up and evening out the skintone around my eyes. The only problem is now I take twice as long in the morning to get ready, and I'm still trying to get used to how fricken femme I am now.

During my vacation to Michigan, which happened after my parents bust and before the court date, there was a lot of stress, understandably. My mom was on a razor's edge the entire time, because not only was her boyfriend of 23 years going to jail, her oldest cat was dying. And, as usual, there was a metric shitton of family drama. Ignoring the fact that I had a very bad flight, I had to deal with seeing my father for the first time in two years and not recognizing him. He's lost a tremendous amount of weight, so much so that his cheeks are sunken in. On top of that, he has not been taking good care of his teeth and they're rotting out of his head. He's not a pleasant sight. I love him a lot, and I'm very worried about his health. I made him promise to see a doctor before the year was over, for me.

However, despite the stress and constant complaining from my mother, it wasn't a bad vacation. I wouldn't go so far to say it was a GOOD vacation, but it wasn't a horrible one. I had a lot of nice food, bought my mom a nice outfit, got a new Nintendo DSi from my dad for my Birthday, oh, and came home 32,000 dollars richer.

See, I haven't seen my grandparents on my dad's side for years. Long story short there were allegations of abuse and I no longer saw them. Well when I was visiting my Dad, he asked if I would want to see them. After all, I'm an adult now (25, holy shit) and they might not be around much longer anyway, being that Grandpa is now 83 and Grandma is 81. So I went to visit them, which was a wholey uncomfortable experience. Grandma began crying the minute I walked into the house, and they showed me all the keepsakes they had of me. Photos, old toys, and most of all memories. They talked for a long time about how much they missed me and how much it hurt to not see their first granddaughter for 23 years.

But the real kicker is the fact that they began buying $100.00 treasury bonds for me when I was born. They bought one a month, until I turned 21. That added up to 228 bonds. $22,800 dollars. If that wasn't enough, when my Great Grandfather died, my grandmother sold his house and used to proceeds to buy me a $10,000 bond.

I was, of course, completely stunned by this. It was like being handed $30,000 dollars by a complete stranger. Deep down I felt that I didn't really deserve this money. I still feel like that a little now. I spent so long being so poor, that I didn't know how to handle the feeling of knowing that I could pay off my debts three times over and still have money left.

Lastly, before I left, my grandfather gave me a picture of my grandmother when she was my age. It nearly made me cry more than the money did. The picture is a blown-up version of her passport photo and if I didn't know better, I would think it was a photo of me. I could have been her twin.

It still chokes me up to think about all of this. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for them to be denied access to their first grandchild. They have more now, of course, but they've lost a son and I know that they didn't want to lose a granddaughter as well. If I still lived in Michigan, I visit them often, and try to make up for lost time, but I don't and all I can do is send a letter now and then. I wish I could turn back the clock, there would have been so much I would have done differently...

That aside, the visit home was short, thankfully so, and I ended up having another crappy plane flight back to California.

A few weeks ago we moved from our one bedroom one bath apartment to an upstairs unit with 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Now instead of sleeping in the living room next to the sliding glass door, I have a "bedroom" blocked off with curtains from Ikea. Both Jer and Rachel get their own room, and I share bathrooms with Rachel. It's an enormous improvement and didn't cost so much money that it was impossible for us to do, with Rachel still going to school and me having reduced hours. We're having a housewarming party on August 9th, and we're all much happier with this situation. The best part is that we freed up a lot of space in the kitchen, so cooking is a joy rather than a nightmare.

I no longer play Everquest II, but have switched to playing Lord of the Rings Online.

I bought a PSP and about 15 games with my birthday money.

I am 100% debt free. Not only did I pay off my old credit card debts, but I paid the "bank of Rachel" credit card off, as well as replenishing the money I had to borrow from her when I moved the California. I also used part of that large sum to give my mom $1,000 to pay off her loan and buy groceries for a few weeks.

I discovered and subsequently became addicted to: iGoogle, Autotune the News, Etsy, Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen, Mineral Make-up and Sculpy Polymer Clay.

I touched base with Kinny, and even did some roleplaying, which I haven't done in I can't remember when.

My bad cholesterol dropped 32 points in a year, while my good cholesterol remains right where it should be. Also my blood sugar, electrolytes, triglycerides and kidney functions are absolutely perfect.

So all in all it's been pretty busy for me. Mood-wise I've been okay, so long as I'm not being assaulted with drama from my mom, stress from my job, or incredibly large gifts of undeserved money. I still feel pretty poor because the money is savings for my future, but since the kitchen is more "open" I'm doing more baking and cooking, so we don't need to get take-out or go out to dinner so frequently.

So...yeah. Titles were not my best subject in blogging school, but endings were definitely my worst. I'll just end this on an awkward note then.

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In which I muse about a defective body and culinary experiments.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:41:02 -0400

My joints have been bothering me. Nothing huge, but my fingers, ankles, shoulders and knees have started popping like crazy. My left wrist has started locking every few weeks, my elbows ache. I'm stiff.

It wasn't a huge thing to me, really, I attributed it to carpal tunnel, being overweight, overuse. It adds up though, and I went to Qwikhealth to talk to the doctor and see if there was anything herbal or natural I could be doing to help my joints. He recommended fish oil, but suggested I get a Sedimentation Rate taken to see if it was high.

It was.

So I need to go back for more tests, there could be something arthritic (I'm not even 25!) or autoimmune going on, and we need to narrow it down.

I'm sort of frustrated about this, because whatever this is, it's just another thing to add to the phenomenally long list of stuff that's gone wrong with my body. I know nobody likes to hear people moan about their aches and pains so I'm not going to type out said list, but suffice to say I've been seeing doctors monthly or more for as long as I can remember.

I'm worried about this though. I can't get tests until Friday, and although I can probably handle arthritis, a high Sed rate can also be a sign of Lupus and other autoimmune disorders.

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Mina's Culinary Experiment #1 of ???!

So now that I'm only working 6 hours a day I've vowed to cook better meals. Easier said than done with my apartment's galley kitchen, but I do try.

Today's recipe is Strawberry Spinach Salad which really should have been easier to make than it was. It's sitting in the fridge, but this was after much struggle.

Notes. Halve recipe next time, we don't actually own a vessel large enough to contain this salad. Also, poppy seeds make a terrible mess and Worcestershire Sauce is impossible to get out of the bottle.

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How to lose friends and irritate people in the customer service industry.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:51:55 -0400

Step 1: Buy a product.

Step 2: Take product home and realize that said product is broken in some way. For the sake of this example, product has a minor scratch on it.

Step 3: Do NOT take product back to where you bought it.

Step 4: Do NOT take advantage of the manufacturers generous lifetime warranty and call them.

Step 5: Somehow arrive at the decision that calling the manufacturers REPRESENTATIVE is the best idea.

Step 6: Whine about the minuscule scratch on your product to the Rep, expect some sort of compensation.

Step 7: Have generous Rep send you a brand new product from their limited stock of spare parts along with a pre-paid UPS form to send back your "damaged" product.

Step 8: Send back replacement product because unfortunately, as it happens sometimes, UPS used your package for volleyball. Write scathing letter blaming rep for lack for Manufacturer's lack of customer service. Whine about the audacity to send you a broken product "thrown in a box" with no packaging. (I wrapped said product well. UPS battered the package, this is not my fault).

Let me tell you what's wrong with this whole scenario. You buy something and it's broken, you go back to the store and exchange it for one that isn't broken. It's the store's responsibility to sell you a product in good condition. If the store didn't think that the minuscule scratch on your product warrants retuning it, the Manufacturer (even though it costs them money) will send you an entire new product.

How do you end up calling the Rep? The only product we have has been taken off of displays. Displays that have been exposed to the public or months or even years. What makes you think we can pull a brand new product out of our collective rear ends and rush it to you? Where do you get off blaming the Manufacturer (who you didn't even contact) for their bad customer service because UPS beat up your package?

The lack of common sense here baffles me.

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Is it wrong to enjoy this?

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:20:24 -0400

Sure, I'm not getting nearly as much money as I was before, but a girl could definitely get used to 6 hours a day 4 days a week.

Yesterday I was productive for the first half of the day, until I ran out of stuff to do. But instead of sitting around for 5-6 hours waiting for the phone to ring and the clock to strike 5, I left at 3 and went home. Since I still had the energy that somehow gets depleted by sitting in an office chair all day, I spent an hour cleaning the kitchen.

A clean kitchen makes the chef happy, and I'm the chef. So I'm more energized to cook, and more cooking means less dinners out, which means less money spent.

In the long run I don't think this is going to be all too bad. I might pick up a temp job here and there, but until I get back from my vacation on June 2nd I'm not going to look too hard for a part time job. That's 2 months from now and by then the economy might be on the upswing. Probably not, but I'd rather not take a new job when I have a preplanned vacation coming up.

So all in all, all is well. I managed to get the collection agency to drop my monthly payment by 63 dollars because of the circumstances, the weather's supposed to warm up like crazy by next week, I had a very nice Easter and am expecting a very nice Sunday when we go to Burgers and Brunch for Aimee's birthday.

I'm insufferably optimistic, I can smile through sad songs and roll my eyes at right-wing nonsense. This is who I never knew I always wanted to be.

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You said it kitteh.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:41:12 -0400

Lolcat Temp Jobs

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Oh, THAT recession.

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:49:59 -0400

It's been at least four months since I last posted, and I've really been meaning to. As I've said before though, blogging lives in the realm of boredom and unhappiness for me, so unless I'm feeling astonishingly creative, I don't blog. Usually I just can't think of anything to say, or I forget to actually sit down and write it out. In fact due to not feeling all that well this week I haven't even turned on my home PC since Saturday.

Well I have something to write about now, though I really wish I didn't.

You see I thought my job was pretty much recession-proof because of the unique nature of it. I work as an administrative assistant/office manager for a manufacturer's rep. So long as the companies we represent need representation, I have a job. The problem is we make our money by commission, and since nobody wants to remodel their house right now we're not selling jack.

So to keep the business from bleeding money as much as it has been, I've had my hours cut. It could be a lot worse, the fact that they kept me on instead of firing me and hiring someone for a lower salary means a lot to me. But I'm still going to see a significant cut in my take-home pay.

I'll be working 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, no Fridays. I'm handling all of this well, but it's pretty depressing. I've done the math and things are going to be very tight for a while. I'm going to look into a part-time job, but that has it's own problems considering I don't have any reliable transportation. My roommate thinks I should get a car, but really, getting a car now would be a ridiculous move, I'm just barely going to be able to afford rent and food.

This will be temporary though, says Bob, so I suppose we'll see.

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I adore you with a love transcending words, a heart ignoring distance, a mind defying the impossible

nobody@vox.com(Mina B.) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:55:52 -0500

Once in a while I listen to Dir en grey and get a shock of nostalgic loneliness. Like a boot to the chest, that voice, those melodies creep through my exterior and chips at the subconscious defenses I've built up against the sort of things that made me who I used to be.

Drifting away from J-rock was a natural step in the process of growing up. Though I still like the music I've moved past the idolatry and obsession that used to define me. Sure I still love the music, sure I still collect it and horde it like the J-rock hamster I am, but I moved on in many ways. I don't cry for Kyo anymore. I no longer need him to scream for me.

But sometimes I still love him. Then again I still love Lara in my lonelier moments.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

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